It had taken a while – it always does – but the final safety checks were complete. Ren felt a rush of tiny beads brush across the edges of his feet, then over, and then up around his ankles, as his LIFE machine slowly filled with the microbead ether. He took a deep breath from the ventilation mask and touched again at the halo-shaped headset that covered his eyes and ears. His heart was beating a little faster than normal, and he felt a bit anxious. Not because of the LIFE machine’s startup, of course, but rather his impending date. Soon the microbeads encompassed his naked legs and torso, his neck, and then the top of his head. The machine hummed again, and he couldn’t feel their presence anymore. Then came the light.

Ren was no longer in the dark titanium shell of the LIFE machine, nor the foam-covered floors and walls of his home, but standing in a verdant field full of grass and flowers, with a shining sun in the sky, a gentle breeze, and a forest full of trees in the distance.

Seeing as he was alone in the field, he must have been a bit early. 

To pass the time, Ren sat on a small rock nearby, and started clapping his hands together. If he did it quick enough, he could catch some of them. The ether beads. Marvels of nanotechnology that they were, they could only predict his movements so well, and sometimes couldn’t reorganize themselves fast enough to accommodate. The LIFE user manual advises against sudden movements for this reason, but Ren thought that was boring. It was fun to mess with the illusion. Carefully rubbing your fingers against objects meant to be perfectly smooth or particularly gritty would also give away the limited degree to which the beads could change their shape or texture. Nothing could ever be sharp. Water and other liquids felt especially odd; the beads could flow across your body but they could never feel ‘wet’ exactly.

Ren didn’t have to wait too long among his thoughts before she arrived. 

Appearing across the plain from him in a white summer dress and small black bucket hat was Teal. Seeing him, she smiled and lightly jogged across the plain. Ren smiled and waved back, and when she reached him, Ren gave her a welcoming hug. They had been close friends for a long time, but this date was their first time exploring something further.

“Hey there, how’s it going?” He greeted her. 

“It’s going well, and you?”

“Alright before, but awesome now.”

Teal gifted him another smile. Her dark brown hair drifted down to her shoulders, and her eyes were a brilliant hazel. She had a squat build, slightly bow-legged, with knobby joints and a few birthmarks dotted around her eyes. Ren thought she looked beautiful. 

It was interesting how that worked… With the LIFE machines, you could choose to look any way you wanted. You didn’t even have to appear human if you were in an adventurous mood. But you quickly realize how dull it is seeing perfect-looking people everywhere. So people had instead started to make an art out of imperfection. Often they would throw in a few extraordinary flairs, like flaming hair or arms with feathers, but Ren had come to appreciate the ~au naturale~ look of a plain human. Teal’s tastes lined up similarly.

Teal looked around them at the lush landscape. Butterflies and bees dotted the flowers surrounding them, and she crouched to get a closer look at one of them. Ren crouched himself next to her and followed her gaze.

Teal was closely examining a bee preoccupied with the pollen of a flower, and then she extended one of her fingers to it. The bee slowly walked up to the edge of her nail, wagged its antennae in curiosity, and then climbed onto her finger. 

“Careful, it can sting you,” Ren joked.

“So I’ve heard,” Teal said. “It really is pretty, isn’t it?”

“Yeah I guess so, though I can’t say I like them as much as the butterflies.”

“Hmm, maybe… butterflies are beautiful, but they’re also boring. I mean, I imagine I’ve been on a million dates with butterflies, haven’t you? Bees are much cooler.”

Ren laughed. “Well, if you want, we can make it just swarms of bees next time. Or maybe we explore the insides of a giant beehive? As hapless shrunken travelers?”

Teal waved the bee off her hand and stood up. “Deal. I can’t wait for the dangerous misadventures that await us. What places did you have in mind today?”

Ren stood as well and gave a small sigh. “Umm… well I have to say, I had planned some boring romantic classics. If you can handle that.” He shuffled awkwardly and glanced to the side.

Teal chuckled. She crossed her arms and eyed him mischievously. “Yes, I can handle romantic classics. For a day.” 

“Alright then.” He offered his hand to hold, which she accepted, and snapped the fingers in his other hand. “Let’s go!” 

________________________________

Ren and Teal spent their date jumping around the craters of the moon, skiing down heated snow on pristine alpine peaks, and then inhaling flavored oxygen (colloquially called ‘FO2’) together while floating through space, as they watched a star slowly and brilliantly cascade into a black hole. Finally they settled onto a beach shore at nighttime, with a clear sky of stars above them and a warm, fluffy picnic blanket underneath. Another day of romantic classics complete. 

Together they sat watching the waves crash. Teal was sitting beside Ren, leaning back against the side of his torso. Ren lifted his arms off the blanket to give her neck and shoulder a massage, and she relaxed into his thumbs’ kneading. He slid his hands to massage her upper arms, and then stroke them gently with his fingertips, almost tickling. Teal adjusted her body to turn around towards him, and looked at his eyes. She lifted one arm to brush at his hair as her eyes darted lightly, examining his face. Ren felt a moment of expectation. 

Ren’s heart rate picked up slightly as he asked, “Do you want to have sex?”

Teal thought for a brief movement then nodded affirmatively. “Sure. Why not?”

He continued to squeeze and stroke her upper arms and then slid the straps of her dress off. Ren lifted his body towards and over her as Teal laid back onto the blanket, and then she wiggled herself into a more comfortable position. 

Ren reached his right arm behind his head to click a button on his invisible headset, and a blue-white menu of options sprung into the air in front of him. One button was crudely labeled ‘sex mode’, and he clicked it, then exited the menu. Teal was doing the same. The moment he exited the menu his clothes had disappeared, and he could feel a mild pressure around his penis, which he knew to be a special attachment from the LIFE machine. People could tolerate inaccuracies in feeling the world around them, but when it came to sex, they were much more particular. Also, he imagined that dry, bead-y sex was probably uncomfortable. Ren waited for his safety checks to complete, and he heard a brief, contented moan from Teal as her clothes winked out of existence and own LIFE attachment got into position. 

Seeing her laid back onto the blanket, naked, under the starry night sky made Ren think back to the first time he had sex, so very long ago. How new and exciting it was – how wild and illuminating the simulations could be. She WAS beautiful, lying there, but it also occurred to him how saturated with beauty his world was. Like with one’s free choice of appearances. Did he want his sex to be imperfect too? He chuckled inwardly; he wouldn’t aim for that. When the LIFE machine was fully ready, Ren positioned himself back on top of her. 

Once again, he started massaging her arms, and caressed her sides, her belly, and cupped her breasts. Teal stroked her hands through Ren’s hair and over his chest, and faintly scratched his arms and shoulders.

He continued to make his way down her body and started stroking her thighs. Then he lifted upwards, brushing his hands up her entire body until he was face-to-face with her, and reached down with one arm to help slide his penis in. As he did, Teal gave a satisfied and reassuring moan. Ren brought his hand back up and knit his fingers between Teal’s. 

“Does it feel good?” Ren asked.

“Yes.” Teal replied. She wrapped her hands behind his neck. 

________________________________

Afterwards, they lay back on the blanket together, holding each other’s hands. Ren gave a momentary thought to the semen that had gone into the LIFE machine’s sex attachment, but knew that the machine would clean itself on its own. As his thoughts wandered, he remembered a fun fact that he had recently learned.

“Did you know that centuries ago, people used to touch their lips together during sex? And put their tongues in each other’s mouths?” Ren said.

Teal’s brows furrowed. “Oh. No. Ew. Kinky though. Why?”

“I don’t know. I think because the lips have a lot of nerve endings? Tongues too.”

“Didn’t they use to eat and drink with their mouths too, though? Back before we woke up to how dangerous that was? It sounds dirty.” Teal turned her head towards him with another roguish smile. “But I have to say, now I’m curious.”

Ren laughed at that. “Well, that would also be dangerous. We can’t remove the ventilators in the machine, so one of us would have to go outside to visit the other in person. Not to mention all the germs.”

Teal was silent at the thought. After a minute passed, she tilted her head and asked, “By the way, how many relationships do you think you’ve been in?”

Ren scratched the stubble on his chin and tried to think back. “Well I know it must be at least in the hundreds. Maybe it’s passed a thousand? I’m not too sure honestly. Why do you ask? Do you know how many you’ve been in?”

“I think I’m definitely past a thousand. But I’m also not sure. I think that maybe I should keep count. I don’t know. It just feels… disconcerting? Or… a little sad, maybe.” Teal shifted onto her side, and lifted her head up onto her hand. “Do you know how old you are?”

“Not off the top of my head, no. But I can always pull up my file. I think I was born around 2660. So that would make me… around 270?”

“Woah, what a baby. How cute.” Teal poked Ren on the nose.

Ren smiled at the gesture and pushed her hand to the side. “Hey, I’m not that young! At least I know a few people younger than me.” He thought back to her previous comment. “Why does it make you a little sad though?”

Teal turned back over onto her back and looked up into the stars. “I’m not really sure.” A few moments passed in silence, the waves of the beach softly crashing along the shore, and then she changed the subject. “Have you ever wondered what water feels like?”

“Well, I actually DO know what water feels like.”

“Oh, well, I’m not talking about the tears down your face when I beat you at Starshot. Unless you’ve been saving and collecting those. People actually used to swim in water. At beaches like these.”

“Umm, nonexistent tears!” Ren turned to her, protesting. “I’m pretty sure I’m UP on you at Starshot. And no, I actually immersed my hand in water once. It feels really weird.” He turned back to look at the night sky. 

This caught her attention. “Really? When? How?”

“I tore open one of our IV-bags once. I was too curious NOT to.”

Teal giggled. “Ya know, you’re not supposed to do that. You could choke and die, after all.” She rolled her eyes as she said it.

“I guess I’m just a really brave person. And I heroically survived my near-death experience.”

Teal went quiet for a moment again. “Well, have you ever wanted to swim, though?” she asked, expectantly. Ren was not certain of what. 

“Yeah I’ve been curious. But it also sounds terrifying. Like if you open your mouth to breathe you will literally just die. At least in the LIFE machines you have the ventilators, and reams and reams of safety checks and mechanisms. So, I can’t say I’m going to start collecting torn IV-bags anytime soon.”

Teal seemed a little let down, or maybe she was just slowly growing tired. They spent another small moment in silence.

“I went swimming once,” Teal murmured.

Ren lifted his body up onto his elbows. “What, really? You’re serious? How?”

She took some time before responding, looking into the crashing waves, then at her hands.

“I…”

Her voice got even softer. She hesitated before continuing.

“I went outside, actually.”

Ren’s stomach dropped at the admittance, and a sick anxious feeling rose to replace it. For a moment, he didn’t know how to respond. He chuckled a little, unsure if Teal was joking, before concluding that she must not be, given her serious demeanor. 

“You… why?” His eyes scanned her face for clues, but only saw a careful mask now facing the other direction of the horizon.

“I guess I needed to see what it was like. I needed to feel something different.”

His voice grew harder as the sick feeling in his gut suddenly blazed into anger. 

“Teal! Did you even consider for a moment how dangerous that is?! What if you died?! It doesn’t matter what it feels like, think about your friends and family! Think about me! How would I feel? Don’t be so stupid and selfish!”

Ren could see that Teal started tearing up, and her voice also hardened in response. “It’s NOT stupid! In fact, you should come WITH me! Don’t you feel that life is so stifling? So sanitized? So repetitive? Don’t you want to experience something different? Something uncontrolled, something real?”

Ren looked at her seriously. “NO, Teal, I want to LIVE. I like living. Don’t you?”

At this, Teal was once again silent, eyes red. She sat up, pulled her legs into her chest, and wrapped her arms around her knees. This silence killed Ren, and made his heart sink even further. He turned away and laid his forearm across his head, over his eyes. 

Teal finally spoke. “I’m not sure. Sometimes, I guess.”

Painful. Ren considered his words. After a moment, still covering his eyes with his forearm, he muttered, “Please. Promise me you won’t go outside again! I care about you, Teal. We will find a good psych clinic, and we’ll find some more fun in life. Just not outside. Please? For me?”

Teal stared out into the faux-ocean, the lower half of her face buried between her knees. Then she lifted her head a little, took a deep, slightly shuddering breath, and replied, “Okay… I’m sorry. I promise.”

Ren was enormously relieved. As his thoughts emerged from some void, all he could feel now was exhaustion. He lifted himself up and hugged Teal tightly from behind. 

“Thank you. Things WILL get better, Teal. I promise,” Ren whispered. 

________________________________

It had been several months since that eventful date. Ren had sent Teal a list of psych clinics that he had read good things about, as well as some ideas for more spicy LIFE adventures. She promised him that she would try them, but also that she may need some time apart, which Ren could understand. Still, he did worry about her from time to time, and hoped she was doing okay.

Today, Ren was planning to meet up with some friends at an FO2 bar, and the decided time was approaching. He took out the automated needle of the HEALTH machine administering his IV and walked over to his LIFE machine, and turned it on. As it booted up, Ren surveyed the space around him. His living accommodations were very standard, being just a single large room with foam-covered floors and walls, a single transparent window to a blurry outside on one side, and a control pad opposite it for controlling some features of the living space such as lighting and temperature. Ren’s only possessions consisted of the LIFE machine, the HEALTH machine, and a bed. Some art was painted along the ceiling and walls, composed of abstract shapes and colors. Ren wished he could get the color blue in his decorative paintings, but had heard that blue paint was still undergoing ultra-long term safety testing. One day though, no need to rush. You could never be too cautious – a mortal life meant absolutely nothing in comparison to an immortal one, after all.

When the LIFE machine finished booting up, its door opened and Ren stepped inside. He placed on the VR headset and ventilation mask, and let the machine undergo its many safety checks. 

Ren was excited to see these friends again; they were a gang of old friends he had met while space snorkeling one year. He did recall that one friend, Dopp, wouldn’t be there, since Dopp had decided to be uploaded. Ren was scared to undergo the process himself, and he wasn’t sure that Dopp had truly survived the process. Or that what was uploaded was truly the same person. Or thing. Or whatever. Still, he imagined it must be nice to not have to deal with the extensive HEALTH machine checkups and IVs anymore. All the same, Ren wished him well. As he pondered, the beads consumed his body, and soon the light appeared. 

This time, as the bright light faded, Ren found himself standing by a colorful table populated by his friends. Beneath his feet was a carpet of clouds, with blue sky all around them and flocks of birds in the distance. The table itself seemed to be a grid of glowing rainbow motes of varying sizes, and undulated like the waves of the ocean. Despite the movement, the glasses on the table seemed to rest steady on some invisible plane right above the colorful motes. Bax, the friend seated closest to him, raised his glass to Ren in welcome.

“Heyyyy! Welcome Ren, grab a seat!” Bax exclaimed. 

Ren couldn’t help but smile and sat down across from him on what looked like a square stool composed of the same glowing motes, which lit up extra bright as Ren sat his weight down upon them. The stool top compressed a little like a comfy cushion. Seated next to him was Fide, and across from him and next to Bax was Wish. Ren’s heart sped up a touch in excitement.

“How have you been, buddy?” Fide asked, sliding a marble glass to him.

Ren grabbed the glass, selected ‘Rose Orange’ as his FO2 flavor, and watched the glass fill with the pink bubbly liquid. “I’ve been pretty good! Nothing crazy, honestly. I was recently playing with a new LIFE adventure I’m designing, where you try to escape a giant beehive.”

Wish commented, “Oh interesting. How hard are you making it? What’s the scoring system? I could give it a test run if you want some feedback.” 

“Honestly that’s part of what I’m trying to decide on. I’m making it for a close friend of mine that I think would like it, but I’m not sure how she would like it best.” Ren took a mouthful of the FO2, breathing in a floral citrus air through his ventilator as he did so. 

Bax asserted, “Well, I’m sure she will enjoy anything you make, I wouldn’t stress too much on the small details. Or do you think she’s a picky person?” 

Ren smiled a little, and thought of Teal with crossed arms and a mischievous smile. “Yeah, honestly I could see her being pretty picky. What’s been new with you guys?”

Eager to share, Fide jumped in at this, “Actually, we were just talking about some crazy news I saw today. Apparently a woman in my pod died! It was all over the news this morning, it seemed she used to live in a room in my building.”

Ren put down his cup, and a gloomy memory of his conversation with Teal surfaced. “That’s so sad. What happened? Was it a crazy rare health complication? Or an equipment malfunction?”

Fide continued, “No. It’s even more scandalous. Apparently she went OUTSIDE. They didn’t say any more than that. Maybe she had a death wish? I can’t decide whether that’s more or less sad than if it was an accident.”

At this, Ren’s blood went cold. Still not fully certain and controlling his voice, he asked, “Oh. Uh… Do you remember her name?”

Fide looked at Ren with curiosity, apparently noticing some peculiarity that Ren had failed to hide. Or maybe the question itself just surprised him. He continued, “Umm… I think her name was Teal? Or Deal?”

A stab of molten adrenaline slid through Ren’s body, and his vision clouded. He looked down at the marble glass in front of him before suddenly logging out and beginning his LIFE machine’s deactivation sequence. 

Oh no. NO! What the fuck…! 

As the micro-bead ether filtered out, Ren’s imagination sprinted. 

Did Teal try to go swimming again? Or maybe she cut herself while outside and got an infection. How long did it take for drones to find her body and take her to a medical clinic? Would she even have been treated? Synthetic organ transplants would always go first to normal healthy people before they went to outsiders… 

         Was she just playing with a fucking bee?

Once the deactivation completed, Ren stumbled out of the LIFE machine. His legs felt heavy, tears were welling up in his eyes, and he was beset by a steady drum of nausea. 

He could’ve prevented it. What if he had reached out sooner, and not taken so long to work on his adventure’s goddamn scoring system? She said she wanted space… How dumb was he to listen to her?? Did she even try any of the psych clinics he had sent her? He should’ve followed up with her earlier. BEFORE. 

         and now he would never have the chance to…

Ren shuffled to the corner of his room. He looked up at the large ‘Exit’ sign glowing red above the door, and the coded safety lock keypad on its side. 

What if he had gone with her? Could he have stopped her, or saved her?

What could possibly be outside that was worth dying over?

What…         is worth dying over?

Ren felt rage begin to boil inside of him and displace his misery. He punched the 12 digit code into the exit door’s keypad and clicked through the several safety confirmation checks. He pushed his hand against the biometric scanner to agree to the release form, and then heard the safety locks CLICK open. 

Ren stood in front of the door, momentarily pondering the sound; it didn’t echo in the room but seemed to linger in his mind. Why was it so noticeable? Why did everything seem so noticeable?

Then, he slowly pushed the door open, and stepped into a small hallway, with another latched door at the end. The door behind him closed, and rushes of cold white air streamed and pushed past his body with loud ‘Swishhh’ noises, frightening him. Was this what wind was supposed to feel like? It tickled more than he expected. Then it stopped, and he heard a CLICK at the far door too. Ren walked onward and pushed it open, stepping forward as he did.

Ren found his feet landing on flat hard ground as he stepped outside. 

And then he felt EVERYTHING. 

His nose tickled harshly while he b r e a t h e d and choked on a rush of hot, wet air while his ears buzzzzzzzed with a ‘whirrrrrrrrrr’ from an unclear direction while his eyes -narrowed- against an overwhelming BRIGHTNESS!

With a sudden pulse of fear, Ren hurriedly stepped back into the sanitized hallway and slammed the door behind him, now feeling dizzy and leaning against it. 

How stupid was he? Go outside? 

Ren’s heart was pounding.